O-Cedar, O-Duster, Oh What a Disapointment

     Like any good housewife with 1400+ sq feet of hardwood floors on the main level of her house, two shih tzus, and five kids I could use a little help keeping up with my floors. Can you say doggie tumbleweed? I knew you could! Imagine my excitement when I learned O-Cedar had come up with a little robot vac made for dust and doggie hair! I can turn it on every night and let it do what it does best.

     I ran out to the two local stores listed on the website as carrying it. Neither of them had it. So I waited and stalked the stores. Friday I was at Target, and what appears before me at the end of the isle with hangers and closet accessories? The O-Duster! I imagined we were in a field of wildflowers, just the O-Duster and I, running towards each other. I scooped it up with enthusiasm, and extra little cloths for it, too. I felt so triumphant loading this little housewife's helper of a miracle into my minivan! 

     My life a little bit more complete than when I woke up that day, I took it home and asked my daughter to plug it in and charge it for me. Yesterday I got up, swept the floors, and put the O-Duster down to see what it could do. I put it in the dining room, in the kitchen, at the bottom of the stairs, in the powder room, in the front room. I carried it all over. And this is what it did:

     Silly, silly me. Only now do I notice their own you-tube video is not a real video of a real product doing real moving and real cleaning, but a sort of cartoon. I'm glad I saved the box because O-Duster is going back to Target. I can not tell you how disappointed I am. I am tempted to trade it for another in case a second one would be better.

*In case you wondered, we did try nudging it a bit to see if it would take off, but it would not. It just spins.

The Arcade: No Pennies

     The other night my daughter had concert tickets for Capital Cities at House of Blues in Cleveland and a car problem. So I told her we would give her a ride into the thriving metropolis of Cleveland and grab a bite and enjoy ourselves By pretending to be city folk for a night. She invited her sister to the concert so it was a foursome for dinner. Since their concert was at the House of Blues, we decided to eat there as well. We sat down and got our menus. They were changed, and a little selections were a little disappointing. After a minute I thought of suggesting we go somewhere else. Everyone else seemed okay with it, so I decided to just roll with it. The menu might have been disappointing, but the food itself was fantastic! This is so much better than a great menu with disappointing food.

     The girls left through the magical door and we sat for a while talking about the things we talk about these days while my husband had his coffee. After that we walked down 4th street until we got to the point where the wind attacks, and turned around and walked back the other way. We decided to go to Chocolate Bar, which people say is fantastic. I ordered the chocolate lava cake and my husband ordered cocoa. I have to say, for all the hype about the Chocolate Bar, I was wholly underwhelmed. My chocolate lava cake was probably bought froze and prepared on site, it was served with half a strawberry, a chocolate straw with a few chocolate shavings, some whipped cream which may or may not have been from a can, and a little frozen chocolate eclair identical to the ones from the freezer at Sam's club. So basically, I think they make nothing themselves. I could have had the same stuff at home. I have a membership to Sam's club. My husband didn't finish his cocoa. It is difficult to disappoint us with chocolate, but I have had better desserts at Don Pablo's. 

     The best part about having had dessert in the Chocolate Bar was the little door leading into the Arcade. I told my husband we should walk around in there, where it would not be windy and cold. We thought we might find a comfortable place to sit, as well. The Arcade is pretty neat, as we were about to find out.

     The Arcade was opened on Memorial Day in 1890. It was financed By John D. Rockefeller, among others, as one of the earliest indoor shopping malls in the United States. Ladies and gentlemen, it is pretty awesome. 

The Arcade, Cleveland Ohio

The staircase is beautiful. The whole thing reminds me of being on a ship, somehow. Old fashioned, elegant, and full of razzle-dazzle!

Starbucks at The Arcade

 The Starbucks at night is not big and bright... deep in the heart of the Arcade.

The Arcade

     Isn't she lovely? We walked around for a good long time, inspecting, window shopping, and taking pictures. It's a good thing we stopped in at the Chocolate Bar, because the entrance to the Arcade is locked at night. As soon as we got outside we realized why. We stepped outside and were approached by a man, who sounded a lot like Gary Busey sometimes sounded on The Apprentice. He eventually got down to asking for money. Which, of course, we did  not have because we had given our last few dollars to the valet. Sorry, man, we just don't have any cash at all. I had even removed all the coins from my purse earlier in the day. On the walk to our valet stand we were intercepted two more times by people asking for money. It's such an uncomfortable thing sometimes, being a human being.

Pretend You're Normal

"Pretend you're normal!" I used to say to my kids often. When they were little, and driving me a bit more batty than I could take at the moment. Or when we were being goofy and needed to straighten up right away  for whatever door we were about to walk through. I wonder if they remember being told so often to pretend to be normal.

A few weeks ago my doctor told me to quit apologizing for who I am. Then she clarified, because she had to, that I needed to quit apologizing to myself for who I am. Since then, I have seen quite a few messages in my day-to-day life which remind me of what she said. They remind me I need to accept who I am, and how I am. Then I watched the finale and the reunion show for Survivor and I saw Cochran was going through the same thing. Embracing who he is instead of being ashamed of it. Instead of being afraid of judgement for being who he was, which, ironically, made him who he is now, which is different. Somehow letting go of the fear of judgement makes us able to be our pure selves. It's not just animals who can smell fear.

Yesterday, while out shopping at Home Goods, I saw this sign. So many thoughts ran though my head:

• I can make that sign myself. 
• The one I make will not look good enough, I should buy this one
• realization of the ridiculousness of the sentiment of the sign and my previous thought
• Remembering, after Victoria died, saying to someone "I'm just going to offer myself and my friendship. Here I am with all my flaws, loving you"
• Remembering my cousin's response to me saying this

And now, remembering how I always thought Victoria's middle name should have been Grace, because she was full of it.  And how when I first met her and asked her about her beliefs she told me "I'm saved by grace"

Yes, now this sign is on my ever-growing list of things I am going to make myself. It will not be perfect. It will make me perfectly happy.

There are still times when I contend it is good to pretend your are normal. But we should all learn to embrace what makes us who we are. Maybe I need to blast "Take Me As I am" from some speakers today, as a reminder to embrace myself. (Nod to young punk #4)

The Police On Broadway

Sting is not impressed

     I was walking around the store the other day... When the speakers overhead started pushing out King of Pain by The Police. Every time King of Pain starts I initially think it's going to be On Broadway and I'm in my head already feeling the magic in my air against the inside of my throat. I'm giving myself such an intimate concert while pushing my cart I can't believe a crowd hasn't encircled me, beating on cowbells and dancing. Then I hear it, the voice of Sting himself, relating the sunspot situation, and I'm always a little crushed. But I've been there before, inside the pouring rain, so I just sing along to the song by The Police, and curse myself for not knowing better by now. "Bye, Broadway," I wave sadly with a sniffle. 

     Somewhere out there, I know there has to be at least one other person like me, right?  

Hometalk Meetup at Luckett's Market!

     I have always wanted to go to Luckett's when they have a big to-do. They are having one this year on May 19th. That is next weekend! And I just found this way to win a trip to Luckett's Market, so I'm asking for your help

I will definitely SMILE a lot if I win.

     In order to be entered to win I need ten people to sign up for a new account (it's free, of course) at Hometalk and follow me here: Tammi on Hometalk

     I know it's asking a lot, but then again, it will only take a minute of your time and think about how good you'll feel about yourself if I win! I mean, your own selfless act will be the only way I have a chance. So really, they should send you too. But life isn't fair that way. If you want a chance to win then you have to blog about it and get ten people to sign up for you. Then I will be home because you won. And that is not fair either. So really, the whole thing is no fair, but it could be so great!

After all that smiling I might find a place to sit, still smiling. 

     I really want to go to Luckett's, like for real. I got to see it once. Sort of. We had gone to Washington D.C. and on the way home we took an extended detour to Luckett's. Except by the time we got there it was closing in a few minutes. I did get to see Miss Mustard Seed's room upstairs, while she had a room, so that was cool. Now I would L-O-V-E to go and see her in person, and that is the main #1 reason I would love to win!  It's not just at Luckett's (so cool) but Marion (Miss Mustard Seed) will be there AND Donna, from Funky Junk Interiors (swoon!)  So much amazing all bunched up together! Oh, and did I mention The Graphics Fairy will be there, too? No? Well, yes, Karen will also be at the Hometalk Meetup!

If you know me well, you know this is my kind of place!

     Now, a whole day (at least) at Luckett's, Marion, Donna, Karen, probably lots of other awesome people, and I'm also betting on learning a lot. What better way to spend a weekend? I can't think of one.

Can you spot the treasure you would want?

     Hometalk is the largest online home & garden knowledge hub. It’s fueled by the firsthand experience & advice of hundreds of thousands of home enthusiasts and professionals. (taken right from the horses' mouth, so to speak) And this is what makes it so great. It's sort of like Pinterest, but better, when it comes to home stuff. Whether you are looking for inspiration or you need guidance, you can find it at Hometalk.

     So, yes, this is where I beg. Please, please, pretty please with sugar on top go sign up at Hometalk and follow me:  Tammi on Hometalk.

     Don't worry about being new on Homtalk, I'm kind of new there myself. I signed up a while ago, and had not used it much yet. But that's okay, there's plenty of time for me to use Hometalk. And I like it because it feels a bit more intimate than pinterest. People are really there to find new things and answer questions, give advice, and be supportive. Who doesn't appreciate all of those things?

     Sorry if I seem fidgety. It's because I am fidgety. I was, just yesterday, routing the trip to Luckett's for the Big Spring Market and maybe I was checking out Priceline to see what hotels deals were near Luckett's. Then I decided that since I just boogied on down to Louisville to see Leonard, maybe, just maybe it was not cool of me to even want to do this. (It still does not stop me from wanting to do it, though!)

     Did you already sign up and follow me on Hometalk? Did you? Huh? If you already did, give yourself a huge hug from me. And allow yourself an extra treat, because being nice burns calories.

I Raised My Kids, Now What?

     My first job, while I was in high school, was at a place called "Barker's Jubilation" at the Mall. It was a restaurant, game room, and bar with a dance floor. I was hired to keep control of the game room. Keep the machines clean, make popcorn, deal with whatever issues came up, and clean up the popcorn everyone spilled all over the floor. Pretty simple job. My boss would usually find me, game room ship-shape, popcorn popped, reading a book. He decided I was bored and under-tasked, so he moved me out to the cash register to be a greeter/hostess/cashier/game room attendant. Now I realize I should have asked for a raise! It was a cool job but one of the managers was always in the office with one of the other managers in a "Do not disturb" kind of way. One night after closing, cleaning up, and counting out my drawer they never came out to check it and tell me I could go. When I finally went to ask them about it they told me they needed privacy and sent me away. 

     I went downstairs to the payphone to call home. I couldn't be out past my allotted time and I knew this was going to blow it for me. On the other end of the phone I was told to just get home. So I went upstairs, got my stuff, and left.  I went the next day and got a job somewhere else. 

     After high school I worked at the I.R.S. in a very non-glamorous job in the refiles annex. Right up until the morning I went to the hospital to have my first baby. I stayed home with her, mostly. I mean, when money got more pinchy than usual I would deliver pizzas or sell Tupperware, but mostly I was home with her, and then the rest of the kids. 

     Three or four years ago, now that the kids are all big, I applied for a job as a glorified receptionist with an accounting firm. For the first time in my life I did not get the job. It was humiliating. It still is! But in that interview the guy said to me "Why don't you just babysit?" What? Because I un-apologetically  said I did not regret for a minute the choice I made to stay home with my kids? So I'm not 'good enough' to enter your work force since stayed home raising my kids and giving up luxuries which other people don't consider luxuries?

     We all decide. I know people who say they  couldn't take it if they had to stay home with their kids. They decide to work because it helps them stay sane, they say. I have a difficult time trusting people and I could have never been sane leaving my kids with strangers. There's no car on the road which could have justified that in my mind. Because all day, every day, I would have been wondering what was happening with my kids. Were they happy? Sad? Playing? Crying? Napping? Eating like they should? And when my kids were little I did a lot of babysitting for people who did want to work, so hopefully they could feel comfortable about their own kids while they were away. 

     But here I am, with great big kids, no grandchildren yet. So what am I supposed to do at this stage of life? Hobbies? I like to paint stuff (not walls) and I do, but there's only so much of that I want to do. I do not have enough energy to do what I want to do on any given day, so lots of things need to be done around my house. Even if I had energy, my husband works from home. Babysitting is out, even if I wanted to do it. 

     What do you do when you're done raising kids but there's nothing new on the horizon? Should I sit around and turn into one of those meddling mothers who is always looking for a husband for her daughter and a wife for her sons and complain about not having grandchildren yet? Do I start reading romance novels? Do I garden? None of these things seem like something I want to do. Who has been here? Who knows how to point me in the right direction? Surely I can not be the only one. But it sure feels like it. 

Cara Box: Let's Go Green For April

     I tried something new this month. I joined in with some bloggers doing a Cara box. You make a couple new friends, send gifts based on a theme, and share encouragement. The person you send a box to is not the same person who sends a box to you. (This is how it's a couple new friends, instead of just one) The theme for April was "Go Green" since April contains Earth Day. Well, Go Green was proving pretty difficult for me, considering your box is supposed to have at least 5 items and be around $15. Five thoughtful, eco-friendly gifts at an average of $3 each? Luckily, I found out I wasn't the only one who found it difficult. When I threw the $15 idea out the door, it got a bit easier. For May the theme is: Let's Get Regional. You send things from your area. Well, I have a lot of Amish close by me, and Smucker's headquarters & gift shop is a few minutes from my house.  It sounds like fun.

Here is what I got in my Go Green Box from Sweet Ashlee:

     She sent me a double-walled plastic mason jar with a lid & straw combo! Can you see by the wooden box I made (in the background) full of heritage Ball mason jars that I'm a fan of mason jars? (By the way, you can buy those 1 quart jars from Amazon right now for a limited time, if that's your kind of thing.

     She also included a sweet note plus another card with the contents listed. There is a soy candle, which will go by my bathtub. I love long soaks by candlelight. There's a little pot with wildflower seeds, (really a great idea!) organic lip balm, 2 all natural face masks, (I can't wait to try those!) and some Yardley soap, which is always popular in our house. She even included some All natural granola dog treats for my two little dogs! I think Ashlee did a great job with the April theme and with things our family will actually use.

     It was so much fun getting to know Mandi,  too. After I got over the "This is difficult" roadblock I think I found a silly thing, a local thing, and a few girly things for her. I'm pretty happy with what I sent her, even though there are only 5 items in the box.

     Now for the confession. I sent my Cara box to Mandi late. And I had reasons, all valid. But I think I'm going to get kicked out of the clubhouse because the rules are really set and if you don't send the box by the 20th you're out. It's even more embarrassing because my theme was chosen for May. So I'll be digging my hole right over there. Drop by with a shovel and help me if you feel like it.

Pittsburgh, PA

     My first two days in Pittsburgh, the ones when I wasn't vomiting violently, were actually pretty. Well, and the third morning. That fateful morning I took a walk alone, through the University area. Okay, I walked a few blocks of Forbes Avenue. Anyway, it was gorgeous.

     The buildings in Pittsburgh were impressive. I would love to go take a ton of pictures with something other than an iPhone one day. There was a lot to see. I stayed mostly in the hotel. When I left it was in the shuttle or on foot. Shuttle drivers scare me. At one point ours yelled out "RUN THEM OVER!" while honking his horn. Apparently he does not care if the Penguins fans are walking to the game from their scattered parking areas, he wants them out of the way, period. My feet took me as far as they would take me, which wasn't far. 

Pittsburgh, University Circle - Lots of Tulips 

Pittsburgh, University Circle

Pittsburgh Athletic Building, or so it said.

Walking in a campus building area, looking towards the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall.

Walking along Forbes Ave., there are so many interesting buildings. Pittsburgh is beautiful! 

Take Comfort

     I went to the doctor today for my yearly physical. A little late, but she didn't seem concerned. I start by telling her she might not be happy to hear what I was about to tell her and it may well get me put in the 'bad patient' column. I told her in Sept/Oct I stopped taking my medications. I had one for thyroid, one for migraines, and one for anxiety.  She told me, of course, I need to take my thyroid medication. And I do not disagree. As a matter of fact I would not have disagreed had she written prescriptions for everything again. She made sure I had migraine medication. Then she started asking the questions I did not know how to answer. 

     How am I doing with my anxiety? I answered honestly, by telling her I don't know. I don't feel any better than before, but I don't feel any worse, either. She asked a few more questions. Then she asked me something I never thought anyone would ever ask me. "Are you an introvert?"  I think I laughed as I said "No, I don't think so. I enjoy public speaking, I enjoy people, crowds, etc. Just not all the time. I also require a lot of peaceful time. And yes, alone time."  We talked some more and I told her by the definition of introvert she had just provided, I was an introvert. 

     My doctor is such a great fit for me. I think I admit things to her I feel like I can't go around just saying to people. Like how I feel irritated a lot. And how I know it's not really the issue of the people around me who do things which irritate me. I realize the issue is firmly, solely mine. I own  it. And although I mostly do not fill anyone in on the irritations I feel because they are being normal humans, I feel guilty about them anyway.  And then there is the guilt I feel because I don't do enough. Because I have this beautiful new home which is never clean enough.  She asked if it bothered everyone else in the house. No. Not really. Just me. And the thing is she gets it. She shares some of the feelings. The feelings of overstimulated and overwhelmed. We talked about coping with it in small ways to help ourselves feel better and feel happy, and also sort of escape it. It can be as simple as drowning out what is going on with our favorite music & our trusty headphones. 

     Then she told me I need to quit apologizing for who I am. I, of course, countered by telling her I don't really go around apologizing to people about this. Because I try to hide my 'issues'. She told me I needed to quit apologizing to myself for who I am. I think I get it. But it's a lot easier to accept other people for who they are than think it's okay to feel this irritated by a dog who wont stop scratching or people having the nerve to chew their food in my presence. At the actual table. Right? 

     I don't have the patience problems normal people have. I can stand in line a long time and be alright with it. Because there are new people to meet and babies to watch and smile at and songs to hear. I do not care if my doctor runs an hour behind because I know she is great and it just means someone really needed her. I respect it because it means she took the time to be there for them. I don't mind listening to my husband tell the story I have heard a hundred times because there is something so intimate about having the privilege of being the one who gets to hear it so much. But please don't make me listen to you  brush your teeth.

    

    The doctor said I should watch this TED video: 

     So I watched it. I enjoyed it. I hope you do too. 

     I'm not sure why I shared this today. There's no real point to telling the whole world about it. Except to say if you feel like some or all of this, you are not alone. And some times that is enough; that comfort of knowing you aren't the only one. 

Tax Day 2013 - Glad It Is Over!

Yesterday was one of those crazy-busy days I almost never have. Seriously, I:

• Paid bills
• filed federal taxes
• filed state taxes
• took my daughter to the doctor 
• went to my own doctor's office 
• had lunch with my daughter, which was so nice 
• stopped in Aldi's for refried beans, which they didn't have. So I bought trees and rosebushes and cheese. (Don't judge.) 
• stopped for one gallon of gas. (judge, don't judge - who am I to judge?)
• went to town hall
• went to the appliance store 
• sent my daughter next door to Time Warner Cable to inquire about bad remote
• stopped and looked at some hand painted furniture
• went to the library
• went to the hardware store
• got gas (for the van) with my discount!
• washed the van
• did my city taxes
• ran to the post office
• Went to my cousin's house for baby snuggles
• Brought the baby and another cutie home with me
• Answered emails, responded to facebook items, texted my mom
• made something to eat
• Sat and talked with my kids about this and that. 
• texted something sweet about my cousin's girls to my mom
• snuggled puppies
• hummed Leonard Cohen songs throughout everything

If this is what days are like for most people most of the time, you can keep it! I felt like I did a lot in the day, but man... it was a blur. 

Never before have I waited to file taxes like this. And we bought a house this year, so the taxes were not as simple as before. You know how it is... you do things forever and you know what you're doing, but throw in college and home buying and the taxes change. Then add city taxes, which I almost forgot about completely. It got a little nerve-wracking yesterday. 

Today is for resting, maybe baking, painting some furniture. I want one hot dry day so I can rip the registers out on the main floor and give them a good blast of oil rubbed bronze spray paint. Everything else in the house is oil rubbed bronze, but the registers are that odd not-quite-beige color. The registers upstairs and in the basement are in the ceilings and are white, so the main floor is the only place I need to fix.

The Things We Remember

One hot day in Austin, I was driving around with my four young children. At the time their ages were probably from two to seven. I had recently become an executive manager with Tupperware, which afforded my family the company car: A 1995 Dodge Caravan.  We were all thrilled to have a big brand new van to drive. The kids, who had been in attendance when it was presented to me, were still excited.

From the seat behind me I hear one of the pipsqueaks pipe up "Who loves mommy because she sells Tupperware!?!?!" and all of them answered, in chorus "I do! I do! Meeeee!" while all of their hands shot up into the air. 

It's funny, the things we remember. This is one of my favorites. 

You Can Quote Me On This One

Act the way you'd like to be and soon you'll be the way you act.
Leonard Cohen 

Prayer is translation. A man translates himself into a child asking for all there is in a language he has barely mastered.
Leonard Cohen 

An error does not become truth by reason of multiplied propagation, nor does truth become error because nobody sees it.
Mahatma Gandhi 

Prayer is not asking. It is a longing of the soul. It is daily admission of one's weakness. It is better in prayer to have a heart without words than words without a heart.
Mahatma Gandhi 

Grief is the price we pay for love.
Queen Elizabeth II 

I spent three days a week for 10 years educating myself in the 

public library, and it's better than college. People should educate themselves - you can get a complete education for no money. At the end of 10 years, I had read every book in the library and I'd written a thousand stories.
Ray Bradbury 


I probably love thousands of quotes, but these are a few of my personal favorites. 

I Really Have No Idea

There's no good way I can think of to introduce this. It's comments I left on other blogs. Great blogs. You'll see.

Just now: 

"We didn’t so much play tag, but woe be to the one who knocked chocolate after a fart. Please tell me I’m not the only one who understands this."  

@ http://www.mamakatslosinit.com/2013/04/rules-of-tag

I grew up in an area which was not so much a neighborhood. Lots were big and driveways were long. But the house nearest ours had twin girls my age. The only people in the age group to be found for a long while, except during sometimes when a local celebrity would bring his brood to summer across the street. Lynn and Lori Pipes may be the only two people in the world who 'get' this, wherever they are. 

"Oh my gosh! That is one of the most beautiful children I have ever seen who isn't one of mine. So of course the question begs to be answered: Can I have her?"   @http://tamaralikecamera.blogspot.com/2013/04/make-little-birdhouse-in-your-soul.html

You have to go see her blog. Her wee ones are adorable, she takes amazing photographs, and she writes to your heart.

"If your family doesn't feel finished nothing else much matters. As my husband always likes to say to me "There are ways and ways.
Which simply means your kids will find ways to go to college no matter what. Even if you can't pay for it for them. Lots of kids work their own way through or take out loans for ALL of it, out of necessity. And lots of kids know to work for scholarships. 
I think we all like to think if we don't do anything to upset the delicate balance of life when it is good and easy then it will stay this way forever. But tomorrow something unexpected could happen to change it all forever anyway. Trust God, yourselves, and the universe to know it will all be okay. 
Gosh I miss baby chub."   

@ http://allmyhappyendings.blogspot.com/2013/03/just-one-more.html

She's beautiful, sweet, and writes another heartfelt blog. 

"That house was adorable, and I was always jealous of your curved wall. We built a brand new house, and while it's lovely in a million happy ways, there are no curves. 
Your house was so 'you' and that made it a super-cool-party-people house. But the house you find and fall in love with, the one big enough for the whole Luke + Erin clan, will turn into a new, somehow even better version of 'you' and be even more amazing than the cute little house with the curved wall. And in this house your kids will bring all their friends, you will watch crowds grow up, you guys will plant stuff and watch it grow for decades, maybe. The kids will claim their spaces - the ones in which they will go through all the different phases of life. 
It's been almost a year for us and I still mourn my old house a little bit. Not the house itself, which I did not love at all. I mourn the place where the house sat, the view of town hall, the romance of living right at the center of the smallest town in the U.S.A. The one where everyone even knows your dog's name. 
Wow, Erin, I just came here this morning to say I miss your words all over this page. And when I did, to my happy surprise, there were new words from you on this page. And it made my heart so happy to hear from you again."

@ http://www.swonderland.net/2013/01/sorting.html

If you have never read Erin's blog, you should. It's my favorite blog in the world. I have a lot of others which vie for spot #2. Erin seems like a truly kindred spirit and oh so very real. I have this feeling if I went digging through family trees I would find a connection.

"Oh my gosh! You poor thing, you're as crazy as all the rest of us. So you're normal. Embrace the crazy because it's here to stay. (although it seems like you are already embracing it) Not exactly reassuring, but what are you gonna do? Once Gracie is older, and she starts getting her personality in full bloom, well... Let's just say you wont have as much time to be afraid of this stuff because you'll be afraid that if she rolls her eyes at you one more time today you might be tempted to ship her off to boarding school, which God knows none of us can afford. So you'll be busier worrying about how to pay for boarding school and you'll have less time to focus on lint spiders and cabinet people. Trust me, I was a full-on basket case when my first daughter was born. Butas she turned into her own person with her own attitudes,(and don't even get me started about my 2nd daughter and her attitudes) I was faced with new fears like "Gosh, I hope I don't lose my temper with her when she gets back up out of bed one hundred and nineteen times after I put her to bed tonight." 
Okay, okay. I'm Tammi and I leave long comments. So sue me. 
p.s. You are adorable. You'll be 'fine'. Whatever that means."

@ http://www.thericefamilyblog.com/2013/03/you-are-being-irrational.html

This is a blog I just found and she's young, has a new baby, and also 'writes real'. 

Would you like me to perform some rites of absolution for you? I mean, we could involve chocolate, ice cream, and possibly a fruity drink.It’s easy to forgive other people. It’s hard to forgive yourself. Do you trust yourself? The person you are now? If so, you have already forgiven yourself but you forgot to send the part of you which holds guilt the memo.

@ http://www.thekircorner.com/2013/03/pardon-me-mama-kats-writing-workshop
Another newly found blog, but she also writes real. Sometimes in the world of blogs it's hard to find, so I treasure it.

Go on now, go read their blogs.

It's a Cold and it's a Broken Hallelujah

     I was just standing there in the lobby of the Palace Theatre with all the other Leonard Cohen concert-goers, minding my own business. Really, I was. At door three there was the start of the merchandise area. There was a table with a black cloth on it. I think the only purpose the table served was to keep people out of the area. There was nothing on it, and you could not even see the stuff from that spot. So I stood there waiting for my husband. And you know how intermissions are, people sort of materialize and then dissolve right in front of you. And that's just what happened on Saturday night.

     I turned my head and I saw her. This young girl, with her date, were standing right in front of me. And she looked so much like Victoria my head started spinning. She was looking at me, too, and I smiled at her. But I felt a little... uncomfortable? nostalgic? sad? thrilled? All of those things? She smiled back, and oh my gosh she tilted her head at me in that way that only Victoria did. I looked away because I needed to find my composure. Thankfully, in just a few short seconds, my husband was back from his trip to the bar. Unlike all the other strangers that night, the girl and her date had not dissolved to be replaced by new strangers. I look from her to Luis and he agreed. You know that language you have with people who get you? How you can say more by looking at things than with words? Then he said "Except her eyes are bluer." Which is true since Victoria's eyes, they were hazel. 

     The girl was so close to us and she was looking at us again. Or still. So I told her "You remind us very much of someone we love." And then I thought I was going to lose it. Because she gave me a sheepish smile and there went the last little bit of my composure. I had to turn around to the miraculously empty wall space behind me. My husband was able to quickly bring the conversation somewhere else.

     I can't even see my screen as I type this right now because there's all this liquid between my eyeballs and the computer screen. I can hardly breathe. People say it gets easier. In some ways it does. In other ways, though, it never changes. And, son-of-a-gun you never know when it's going to happen. Can't plan for it, brace for it, resolve against it, it just happens.  Seeing that girl made me feel so much joy - and so much pain.  In the middle of a perfect night, one of my favorite events in my life, there she was. So I am going to say it was no accident, me seeing her Saturday night. 

Why I Will Not Buy My Mattress From Macy's - An Epic Novel

We went and tried a bunch of mattresses at a bunch of different stores. After an hour, I just wanted it to be over. It was just the beginning.

We ended up at Macy's and found the perfect mattress for us. 

It was on a super-duper-never-before-never-again-oh-MY-GOSH sale. 

We were debating Queen vs. King and they place orders on certain days so the sales girl was going to call us on Thursday. 

Friday I realized we had received no call on Thursday, but remembered her saying she would be out Friday and Saturday. I assured myself she would call on whichever day she returned to work. 

Then, I did the unthinkable: I forgot about it. I convinced myself the sale was important enough to them that we would be called. Sure, I called the number printed on the card for the furniture department, but no matter how I called I got a computer system asking me to input my receipt number or rate delivery.  I tried the cell phone number which had been handwritten on the card by the sales associate. Never did get a person either way.

Eventually, a couple of weeks after our initial contact, I called the store, was routed through the computer, and just kept trying different things to get a human. (I've since learned of 'new, improved' ways to reach a human in these situations, but they involve dropping rather loud F-bombs. Erica at No Sleep 'Til College figured it out, somehow.) When I finally got a human at a call center nowhere near the store they asked if they could put me on hold for a 'few minutes' and that is precisely what they did - 5 minutes on the phone later an employee at my local store was on the line. His name might have been Mr.DoNotCare, because he did not. I asked about the mattress, he said they didn't sell that model any more and he didn't have any mattresses to sell me for a week. In a week they would have mattresses in again. He told me I would need to come back in to the store and try out the news ones to see which one I liked. Deflated might be the perfect word to describe how I felt. 

I sat for a few minutes, and gathered up my thoughts. I called back and asked for a store manager. When Molly answered the phone my full intention was to inform management of the lack of  follow up. I also thought they should know that phone skills would be helpful for the guy who didn't care at all about my great deal being gone. At least he could have offered an "I'm so sorry that happened." Seriously, what would that have cost him? It could have done wonders for good will. I wanted to make sure Macy's knew why they failed to make that sale. Molly was kind and caring, and listened to me. She was sorry this had happened. Frankly, nobody was as sorry as me. She offered to see if the mattress could still be obtained somehow. Then she did the truly unexpected and said she would sell it to me for the price I had been given before! Then she said if she couldn't get that mattress she would sell me the comparable new mattress at that price!  It was totally unexpected and I was elated. I thanked her, she told me she would hand this matter off to the appropriate person and I should be expecting a call. Way to go above and beyond. Way to go, Macy's!

Oh, if only I could say that I got the call in a day or two, and it all ended well. Alas, I can not. 

In a day or two I got a voice mail. I promptly returned the call. I spoke with who turned out to be Mr.ReallyDoNotCare. He informed me they would have new mattresses set up tomorrow morning, that there were at least a couple in the price range I was willing to spend, and I could come in and look at them tomorrow. I questioned him over the "In my price range" and he informed me Molly had no business making the kind of offer she made to me, that she didn't know anything about the furniture part of the store, and that maybe, just maybe, and he wanted to make sure I didn't take this as a promise or anything, if I wasn't happy with something in the price range I had planned to spend he may be able to bump me up to the next mattress. Now,  the mattress we were planning to buy was a Beautyrest Elite Eminence. It usually went on sale for $1999 in Queen, but this super sale we found was for $1297. So a $1300 mattress was no way going to fit the bill. And why would I give Macy's my business on a full price mattress after they just lost me the mattress of my dreams?  Deflated pretty much fits the feeling again. And I'm starting to feel a bit like a ping-pong ball. 

Not satisfied with the answers I got from  Mr.ReallyDoNotCare I decided to call and ask to speak to Molly again. I hate to bother people with my issues, but I wanted her to tell me if her offer did or did not stand. I did not reach Molly, but Manager#2 (they call them 'executives' and if you say manager they are certain to correct you) who assured me Molly would return my call tomorrow. Molly did not call. I am not sure if she got the message or not.  

I finally called Molly myself. I told her about the totally different story I got from MrReallyDoNotCare. After being a bit school-marmish and chastising with me at one point by saying, in a really pissy tone "Well I did not say I would give you any bed in the whole store for that price. That's not what you are expecting, is it?" I assured her it was not. Her tone went back to the way it had been in our previous converstaions. She asssured me the offer was for the bed which replaced the one I wanted. (I am obviously still trying to forgive her for speaking to me like I was her employee, pupil, or child, but she was mostly nice) Then I explain that I don't know how I am going to be able to actually buy the bed I want at the offer she made since they sales guy was refusing to do it. She said "I don't know either, since you refuse to work with any of my sales staff. I don't have anyone else you can work with" Huh? I told her I prefer not to work with the rude dudes, but the original sales girl was very nice. It's just that she had been on vacation while I was trying to get this all worked out, and would not be back until the next week. She was obviously not understanding what I was saying. I told her I never said I did not want to work with the sales girl, just that I was willing to work with someone else if I had to in order to buy the mattress I wanted. By now I was tired of waiting and my loyalty to her had waned since she forgot about me to the extent that I now had to go through all of this. We agreed that when the sales girl was back she would call me and I would seal the deal with her. Molly also let me know that she had brought the store manager into the loop on this because I had been put through so much. Once again, I leave a call with Molly feeling like I have a resolution. Even if she did manage to insult me a couple of times during the call, I'm still optimistic. 

I'm an idiot. A real dolt. A sucker's sucker. 

Because the sales girl called and we set it all up. My husband had been out of town and when he got back we made another trip to Macy's. Where the sales girl showed us the mattress the store manager told her to offer us. Which was not at all as nice as the Elite Eminence we were going to buy originally. It was a definite downgrade. While she was helping some other customers I said to my husband "This is nowhere near the kind of mattress we were going to buy" and he agreed. We went to the mattress which was now residing where the Eminence used to be. Uh-huh, this is the one. When the sales girl came back we simply asked her if  the one she was offering was the one replacing the one we were going to  buy. She told us it wasn't. She told us the one we were now standing by was the one which replaced the Eminence, but that the Eminence had been such a great deal, and it was never that kind of deal, and she didn't know how it had been such a great deal... So the store manager had decided we should have the lower-end. And we're not talking about a difference in ticking, you can feel a huge different between the Hollingsworth and the Sanderling. And the Sanderling sure isn't up to par with the Eminence. No problem, for $600 more we can just buy the Hollingsworth.  

So I stood in Macy's both so frustrated I felt like I might cry and furious. The sales girl promised me Molly would call me tomorrow. Molly never called. (again)

And here's the kick in the pants which adds (even more) insult to injury:

My daughter works at this Macy's. My other daughter worked at this Macy's while she was in college. When we first went to look at mattresses the sales girl asked if we wanted to open a Macy's charge and we told her we would not open one, but if we did it would have to be with our daughter, who worked in the store as well. She asked us if our daughter still lives at home. She does. So she told us we could use her discount, making the bed an even better deal. I relayed this to Molly the first time I spoke with her. Then manager#2 heard it from me as well.

After my second visit to Macy's,when we left very disappointed, the store manager called my daughter into his office. He told her it was against policy to use her discount for us to buy things and she could be fired if we did. There was a reason why we had never used the discounts through the girls before: we didn't know we could. The sales girl was the one who said it was okay. And I questioned her about it that first day. I made sure it didn't go against store policy. An additional $240 is not worth losing your integrity, and especially not worth losing your job! So here was my daughter being called into the office and being given the numbers for the mattresses to bring to us. 

Why did he call her instead of me? I am the customer. I wasn't having my daughter involved throughout the process. I thought it was terribly rude of him to ignore me and put my daughter on the spot. It sure as heck wasn't her idea. Any of it. I get letting her know not to share her discount, if he thought he had to do it I think there were better ways of doing it. But the rest is inexcusable. 

So now I'm pissed. Not ony did Macy's treat me like a ping pong ball for two weeks while I slept on my old lumpy mattress, but now they are not honoring the offer they extended to me,  and they are sending messages through my daughter instead of dealing with me? Rude, unprofessional, and just plain bad business. 

I called the store again. I asked for a manager again. I got the Assistant Store Manager. He told me he was actually aware of the situation and that the store manager had asked the sales staff, who all agreed the mattress he offered was the replacement to my Eminence. I know this wasn't true because the day before the sales girl told me otherwise when we asked her. Now I understand why she hemmed and hawed about it. I went around with this guy on the phone a little to make sure I had a clear understanding of the situation. I did. I also informed him I was not pleased with the fact that Molly never called me like I was told she would, and I was even less pleased with the store manager dealing with my daughter instead of with me, the customer.  In the end he asked if  the information he had given me had been helpful. I told him it wasn't helpful, but at least it was clear. We covered how the discount wasn't applicable, and I told him I understand that, how we had never used it in all these years, and how we were told by the sales girl it was totally on the up-and-up. We certainly had mentioned it to each manager we spoke with and were not trying to hide it. He said we she could use her discount if she was making a gift to us. I told him my young daughter would certainly not be gifting me our mattress set. Later in the call he started to tell me that if my daughter were to buy this as a gift for us... and I interrupted him because dangit I already told him no. So I told him again that my young daughter would not be buying us an expensive mattress set as a gift and we would not be pretending she was. That's not how we operate in our house. Give us a deal or don't. But don't expect us to lie to get one.

Macy's might not honor their offers, but over here at our house we are keeping our integrity, thankyouverymuch.  (What is wrong with this world?)

I never got a call from Molly. I never got a call from the store manager. 

Why would I buy a mattress from Macy's now? To honor them for insulting us? To honor them for not honoring the offer they extended to me? Yeah, I don't think so. 

My family has been following the abbreviated facebook version of this and two of them were buying mattresses. Both had planned to shop Macy's. Both went elsewhere. 

Treat a customer good and they will tell their friends. 

Treat a customer bad and they will tell everyone. 

So here I am, telling everyone. 

Seriously, what would you do? Do you have any good recommendations?  Where did you buy your mattress? How was your experience?

Old Ideas

     On Friday we packed our bags and headed south so we could go see Leonard Cohen at the Palace Theatre in Louisville Kentucky. Where do I start? The Palace Theatre is a beauty. Go see it if you ever get the chance. Simply amazing.  Leonard Cohen was fantastic. He arrived on stage at 8 PM and he  put on one heck of a show. We staggered out of the Theater a little past 11:30, after many standing ovations. On the brief walk across 4th Street Live to our hotel I promised my husband I would stop referring to Leonard as my boyfriend sometime in the next month. (29 days and counting!) 

     Leonard jogs out on stage, a young whippersnapper of 78 years old. He sings songs, tells stories, pays reverent homage to his fellow musicians on stage, each one very worthy of our love. He's a gentleman of the best kind. He's respectful of everyone, but doesn't take anything too seriously. There's two kinds of women at a Leonard Cohen concert: The kind who have already lost their mind, and the kind who are about to lose their mind. I'll let you decide in which category I reside, but suffice it to say I have been to a concert of his in Cleveland in 2009. 'Nuff said. 

     But seriously, while I sit mainly still in my seat in awe of it all, some of these women are hypnotized in other ways. There are a lot of reminders of what it's like in some churches. And I have to admit, at many times throughout the night I kept thinking to myself it felt a little like a church. Except a church where nobody was pretending they never said bad words. A church where you could buy a beer or a glass of wine and bring it into the sanctuary with you. And they did. And we all sang. Women raised their hands to the sky all the time, and swayed in their seats.  People danced in the aisles a little bit. There were standing ovations scattered throughout the show, for Leonard Cohen, for Sharon Robinson, Hattie & Charley Webb, and every member of the band. People shouted out "I love you, Leonard" at times throughout the show but I think nobody minded because we all wanted to shout it out. At some point a lady shouted out "Best Easter Ever" and we all silently agreed. I wanted to shout out and if I could I would shout to Leonard "Ole`!"  

And if you want to fully understand why "Ole`!" you can see the very heartfelt and genius video of the Ted Talk here:

It's worth every second of your time. I think it's one of my all-time favorite Ted talks. 

     There's so much more I could say about it. I could tell you how Leonard Cohen will be at Radio City Music Hall the 6th and 7th of this month (in 4 days!) and I want to go so much I was digging through old gold to see if I could see enough to finance another trip. I could tell you how lucky I am to have a husband who understands my soul with his soul and led the chase to Louisville. I'll leave you with this photo I took, which does no justice, but makes me happy all the same. 

Ole`! Ole`! Ole`!

p.s. Oh my gosh I found my people! And they are here: Leonard Cohen Forum! Where have you been all my life?

     

Why I Am Celebrating Today

Ladies and Gentlemen, my boyfriend, Leonard Cohen.

   

  I am about to go to a Ticketmaster location near me and pick up my Leonard Cohen tickets! His concert was the best concert of my life, so we are making the trek to Louisville Kentucky this weekend to go see him again! I am very excited. This time I might even buy a t-shirt! I mean, it will be the most cherished t-shirt in the history of ever and last time I did not buy one. I still kick myself at my own cheapskate ways on that night. Indulging should be over very special things, right? So send me your congratulations, send me your applause, send me Paypal... I am going to see Leonard Cohen!

     We are going to be staying right at the 4th street area, so if you have downtown Louisville dining tips throw them at me.

Five Things You Should Never Say To Your Mother

Five things you should never say to your mother: (especially if your mother is me)

1. "What's for dinner?" 

      Reason: Self explanatory.  (And under penalty of death) 

     Substitute Instead: "Can I make dinner?"

2. Anything starting with the words "Did you buy me that... already?"

    Reason: If I already had it I would have given it to you.

    Substitute Instead:  "I would like to remind you..."

3. Things starting with  "Where is my.... ?" or "Have you seen my...?"

    Reason: I am not your mother. (Okay, I am, but still.)

    Substitute: Look with your eyes, not your mouth.

4. "No, (implied sorry,) we did not make any for you." 

     Reason: If you are cooking for yourself in my kitchen with my food you should offer me some.

     Substitute: "Mom, we are making some eggs and sausage. Should we include you?"

5. "I did not buy you a ticket to the Leonard Cohen concert I am attending."

    Reason: You might not make it out alive.

    Substitute: "Pack your polka dotted shirt, Mom! I am taking you to see Leonard Cohen!"

Ten Things I Do Not Know How To Do

     I am always trying to learn new things. I feel like there are so many interesting things in the world I have never even heard of yet that I'll never get to knows all the cool stuff. This fact bothers me a little bit, if I am being honest. Like today, for example. TED talks are happening in Cleveland. But when did I learn about it? Today! And when did the tickets sell out? 21 minutes after they went on sale, on a day long before today.

     There are lots of things I have done/can do which surprise people. But there is plenty I do not know how to do.  For example:

1. I do not know how to speak Spanish. Even though I have lived in Texas, California, and Venezuela, I'm pretty much an English-only kind of girl. It's embarrassing. I mistake more words than I get right, which is even more embarrassing. "Why are you calling that a 'kitchen'?" I ask my husband. "It means pig" he replies. 

2. I do not know how to write a resume. You would think this shouldn't matter to me. I am not employed. But maybe some days I wish I was. Or maybe I wish I could be if I wanted to be. 

3. I do not know how to drive a stick shift. I've driven tractors. Does that count at all?

4. I do not know how to shut up. Seriously. I tell myself I will. Then I don't. Ever.

5. I do not know how to ask for what I want without feeling guilty. From trivial things like "Would you fill up my water bottle for me when you go downstairs?" to "Could we go see Leonard Cohen in concert?" I feel guilty as hell if I ask. 

6.  I don't know how to grow old gracefully. When I notice things I used to without thinking about them are now physically straining or overwhelming for me I sort of lose my mind.

7. I don't know how to parent my 'grown' children. They still seem so vulnerable to me. I really want to make them take naps and then later we will make cookies and watch Joe Scruggs videos and go to Chuck E Cheese. 

8. I don't know how to be a better person. I promise myself I will have more internal patience. I will change my inner dialogue. But then the same things that bugged me all my life happen and (surprise!) they still bug me. My inner dialogue doesn't change. I still feel guilty about it. 

9. I don't know how to make myself finish things.

Stuff My Daughter Shares

One of my kids likes to take to Twitter with the things I say and do. Here are some of her tweets which are either quotes (of things I mostly do not remember saying) or observances. 

Gummy Bears are my homeboys

Upon leaving my great grandma's house "oh... People are starting to look a little bit old." She turned 87 today.

Synergy is the YOLO of the business world.

"Wait I just need to drink the rest of these Pringles" 

Me: "I just lied to somebody." 

Mom: "good job Allie."

Mom watching #RHONY:What I like is they can really teach U howto be a f*ing lady @CountessLuAnn @AvivaDrescher @iamHeatherT @CaroleRadziwill

"I almost came to the table without pants on. But then I remembered, we're eating dinner, not breakfast."

When you ask my mom for something she doesn't want to give/do, she'll say "What. I'm not your mom!" oh the absence of perks in adulthood..

Two weeks to get a car. Negative Nancy says this won't be easy.  (Pretty sure this was about me, too. Though I have no proof and did not ask)

I'm shameless, in that my actions do not require or result in shame. #mymomsaysso

Xmas was a success #loveit witnessed my mom turn into #Oprah as she exclaimed "YOU get a bedroom! &YOU get a bedroom &YOU &YOU!" #newhouse

my mom left the kitchen, i followed her very closely asking 'does it bug you when people always follow you around the house like this? 

My mother is a both a comedian and a genius She has me cracking up all the day. #bestmomever #winning

I'll end on a high note!